jeff

this summer i need to see:
transformers(ive wanted to see this since i was 8 years old)
the ten(c'mon!)
super bad(micheal cerra[sp])
ocean's 13(not sure why)

you can give me feed back, but i have a feeling most of it will be negative, so at leas try to word your shit-talking well.thanks

Dawn is coming early and that means one thing, less sleep, more running. I’m sick of running this much, especially with weapons, medical equipment, and my pack. It’s too fucking hot to have to run this much. If things were different I would be up in Beverly at some seaside park drinking all day with my sister and her husband, but they’re dead. She wasn’t white enough for them, and he was raised Muslim. My parents, they’re gone too for being Catholic but not fanatical enough for the Western Liberty Party. That doesn’t matter anymore, I need to make my rounds now. It’s 2015, the world is conforming more than ever to a New World Order, the WLP. They started when President Romney was elected in 2008. That weird bastard decided abortion was wrong, so he banned it. Then he decided being gay was wrong so he had them register. Then he came and took them away. Ringing any bells? Do you remember this from history class? This man would make Hitler blush.
Anyway, he started the WLP with other religious politicians as a sort of shadow government to keep track of America’s moral center. Then the take over came. In mid 2010, just as the Earth started it’s death rattle, the WLP became the government. There were plenty of protests, demonstrations and upheavals, but when have they ever listened to us? Romney was assassinated by a Republican Ideologue, ironically enough, and then the crackdown came. As the Temperature began to rise constantly, the heat of civil unrest also became far too noticeable for the WLP. They started policing and arresting EVERYONE. But this only lasted a few weeks until we realized there was no such thing as diplomacy with these people, and we fought back on a HUGE scale. Ever government scientist with liberal leanings were fired or executed. Those who escaped were quick to turn coat, share some secrets and help the people out. We had them almost beat in NYC in 2012, then they gassed Manhattan and laid waste to Staten Island with fire bombs; millions of people killed by a moral government; the new Crusades, if you will.
It feels like August, but you wouldn’t believe me if I told you it was early March, so we can just pretend it’s August. I need to make it down to the old Government Center tunnels, that’s where I know there is someone who needs fresh bandages and probably more pain killers. This poor bastard kid, Scott, is just 18 and he got his leg blown off when an RPG was fired at the car he was living in; he’s lucky to be alive, we all are. Seeing as it used to take 20 minutes to get there from Central Square Cambridge on the T, it will take me a little over an hour on foot through the old subway tunnels. I got my bag, my pistol, my AR and my vest that I found with a big red cross on it, so I don’t get killed so quickly, I’ll at least get a few seconds then. I walk down the splintery steps from the third floor and check the street before I open the door. Just some people rummaging, nothing out of the ordinary.
Its two blocks to the entrance to the tunnels, and it will be a quiet two blocks hopefully. If I get shot at I will be very pissed off. Once you’ve spent enough time in a war zone, being shot at or seeing someone get their leg blown off has an even stranger effect than it would on someone who is ‘green’ to the scene. Half of you goes stiff from fear and you almost shit in your pants when you see someone a block away get their head blown off by sniper fire from who knows where. The other half of you gets pumped with adrenaline and you know to duck and cover, to find somewhere to hide, preferably having three sides; that part of you is the pro.
Right as I’m about to open the manhole cover in front of the T entrance, I hear it. That muffled shot, echoing with death and the feeling of fear in the air; I went half stiff. I look back to the people who were rummaging through the wreckage and garbage and saw one of them had shot another. You see, this is what I mean. Any other time and place, I would have been scared to death or would have run back with my pistol raised to try to figure out was wrong. But living in hell does something to your sensibilities. I knew, after all, that it was just a private squabble, and none of my business. Sure, they were sort of my neighbors, but then again, some of my neighbors a few years ago are trying to kill me. Some of my closest friends growing up are in the WLP Army now; they just believed in it I guess. What I’m trying to say is that in this hellish existence, one learns to value everything because it will definitely be taken away at any given second.
I quickly stuffed myself down the manhole and climbed down the latter until my feet were in water to my ankles. I knew that I needed to go straight about fifty feet, open another hatch and jump down to an old subway car. I got into the subway tunnels, this is a red line tunnel, there are plenty of people living down here, so I just keep moving through, seeing how all of my neighbors are doing, being polite, the same old shit as if we weren’t living in hell. I saw a few people I knew from before all this shit; Thumper was a bike messenger who loved dancing to crazy music, then she lost her legs in a bombing of her building. Chuck was a Thumper’s roommate, came out of the explosion almost untouched, just a few scrapes and scars. They both moved to the subways like so many others because it was safer down here. These tunnels were virtually unaffected by bombings and the like. I kept moving, gave Chuck a smile and whistled at Thumper in that sort of construction worker/sexist way as a joke. I remember, back when we still had some semblance of freedom, Thumper and I rode from Cambridge to JP on our bikes to see my favorite band and when we got there we were soaked in sweat and danced for what must have been only twenty minutes before we collapsed and couldn’t stop laughing for another half of an hour. I miss those days, I think we all do. We just want things to be better, and I know that the WLP is just trying to do what they think is best, but it isn’t, it’s killing innocent people. People who are trying just as hard as everyone else to survive and maybe make a few kids.
After about forty-five more minutes of strolling through ankle-deep water and dirt on the tracks, I was at Government Center.


that's part of a short story im writing. im actually writing three short stories right now, more to come!

i got a full time job, im getting ready to go to school in the fall, does any of this sounds familiar to anyone else?hahaha. lets hang out, have some fun, do something immoral

theres this kid in salem, some one of you may who i'm talking about, who hangs out at front street, dropped out of high school, is republican, name rhymes with Moss, and is a total dick. well, he sexually molested someone on new years, if for any reason you wanted to talk to this kid ever, reconsider, he's a fuckhead who doesnt deserve any decent person's time.

happy new years eve. i got into college. im pretty psyched. salem state 2011 i think

dog.

guttin totally fits into that title. i might go to college

lately i've been great. i hated going to therapy,and thankfully since my health insurance cancelled, i stopped. its my birthda yin two minutes. i expect phone calls and emails and myspace comments and comments here, and i would also like a party, or a series of parties.



who needs you?

i need a lot of money and a cargo van.

who's up for a 'heat' style heist!?

alas, im back at my parents'.fuck.

i hate my apartment and im gonna leave tomorrow. im taking back my deposit because my landlord hasnt cashed it yet and im gonna go to new york because i hate massachusetts livin. im cathin a fun wa friday night or saturday morning. i cant wait to have nothing to live for there either.

four and a half hours of sleep in marblehead, now starts my 4 days work-athon! that's right, a closer tonight, and then openers for the next three days!

i went to a party last night, it was a 1970's themed, and let me tell you, it didnt have shit on any bedford street party. it was alright, but in order to beat a bedford street party...i dont know what would have to happen, but it would have to be a lot.
there was a lot of drinking, snorting coke from very sketchy people to other very sketchy people, lots of flaunting of chest hair, and the such. i was uncomfortable after twenty minutes. i discussed anticapitalist actions within the capitalist system with a girl who goes to some college but is from ipswich. matt, you mayb know her.

i wore very short shorts. i didnt do too many things that i regret today besides unintntionally leading on a friend again I HATE DOING THAT! even though it doesnt happen often, still, it's rude to do. ok, i have work now, but ill leave you with this to ponder on:

if you're coughing a lot, and there is a whole bottle of cough syrup, wouldnt it make sense to never cough again by chugging the bottle?

so, friday started with a hard day's work.
then some garment district t shirt buying, then i got suckered into hanging out with friends
then i got suckered even further into getting fucked up with friends on aderal and drunk on drinks.
then we got sober, and things were said, VERY good thing. very good things were also done. i think i have some sort of girlfriend...silly.
i stayed up all night and wrote and shit and then went to my moms and showered and went to salem to meet up with someone,spent the whole day there with them

it's been good, but it feels like it's sunday night, not saturday

quotes of the day

me to girl wearing a minutmen shirt
m: i've heard nothing bad about them(points to shirt)
g:what, these?(grabs and shakes each breast 3 or 4 times)
m:um...

me and billy(who for the sake of this quote being funny is gay)
m:-stupid joke-
b:we could be a comedy dup, the way that you are always on when im not and vice versa....of course, you'd have to be straight man.

me and bill gannon
mwe'll both wear helmets tonight
bg:oh,i get what you're saying, you're going to wear a condom, good call, for all of us.

and i told my boss a joke that i read from someone's livejournal and she almost peed, so you all should give yourselves a hand just incase it was you.

things im no longer a fan of
-hating fire works(meaning i like them now)
-the zine library...i need some more free time, as it is i have one or two actual free days a week and very little time to make friends and live a happy life or something resembling one.
-asexuality-its lonelier than one would think. it was a good idea though, lasted about 3 monthes,way to go.
-shitty bands that break up a week before a show that you took the entire day off from work for and now you lose a days wage and earning a living is now that much harder because we were all too stupid to get our shit together.
things i am now a fan of
-belle and sebastians' "dear catastrophe waitress" album. GREAT!
-soy milk
-pig tails
-slip on shoes


the breakdown-
i had an alright 4th of july, granted that it's the birthday of an evil, empirical power that just sucks, simply. i stranded myself in lynch park in beverly until jordana came and picked me up, watched rich people's fireworks, then walked to lynn and slept on my parent's couch and got a bit of a tiff with my dad in the morning.

I work about 4 or 5 days a week at 1369, and then i have shifts at the library usually those same days AND every other day but wensday, when i do food not bombs. i am not quitting fnb, i enjoy that, i like cooking and hanging out with folks. we just got a huge influx of librarians so i think in august im not going to sing up for any shifts untill like october or something.

Since one particular experience i've decided to look at men and women as just people, sexual beings, but neither really for the 'taking.' I've been people's intimate friend, but with no sexual activity, just being like a temporary best friend while they needed me, and, let me tell you, after people dont need you, they forget about you FAST. once they get what they want back, they drop you like a rock.
also my band broke up, a week before our first show. i took that day off(money gone) i have commuter rail tickets to get up to gloucester(more money gone) and i was actually looking forward to playing it, even if we were going to suck big time. once guy decided to quit, and that left me with little choice coz i dont like the other guy anyway.

but now the happy part

belle and sebastian are great.
i just can't drink milk anymore. soy milk is where it's at for me.
i started putting my hair in pig tails in an attempt to form my hair into tiny little dreads in the back, it's cute though.
i got all black vans slip ons that make me look kinda goofy but they are ridiculously comfy. also, i found out that the slip on loafer type hugh heffners that nicole bought me way back when are vegan, so im gonna start wearing those in the fall.

i want to take some time off from 1369 in august or early september and go to upsate new york and vermont and new hampshire and run around there.

also i think i have a date saturday.

featuring "rock n roll hoochie coo" and "whoa black betty"

i saw tim before he hit the dusty trail, he gave me a belt that is pretty sweet i just need to fix it a bit.

my brother douglas is coming home july 4th. yee haw.

tattoo and piercingin ma face.

i need a camera, a poloroid, or a really good digital one. either, or, or maybe both?

i dyed and cut my hari recently and if i had a camera i coudl be even more vain and show the newer do-to-you.

i hate you new york. you suck big time, i am not a fan of new york city at teh moment. i was there for the past 36 hours or so and i never wanted to run a white hot spear through my throat more than while i was there.
5 reasons why im mad at nyc:
5)i missed choking victim's whole set, not to mention world/inferno only playign three songs and not seeing any of them either
4)amy poehler didn't find me and marry me
3)i couldn't eat falafel coz i didnt have money
2)i didn't get to sleep on the williamsburg, or at least visit my old friend
1)i have never felt so alone in a crowd of people than i did yesterday in tompkins square park.

but hey, there's going to be a strangers with candy movie coming out june 28th. yeah!